Compassion Becomes Real

Topic: Love, Compassion, & Kindness

In cultivating compassion we draw from the wholeness of our experience—our suffering, our empathy, as well as our cruelty and terror. It has to be this way. Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.

Pema Chödrön

Early Life and Education

Pema Chödrön, born as Deirdre Blomfield-Brown in 1936 in New York City, embarked on her educational journey at Miss Porter’s School in Connecticut, followed by the University of California, Berkeley. After her graduation, she dedicated many years to teaching elementary school in New Mexico and California. A mother of two and a grandmother to three, Pema has always been a guiding light for her family, instilling values and wisdom from her rich life experiences.

Spiritual Awakening and Ordination

In her mid-thirties, Pema experienced a significant spiritual awakening during a trip to the French Alps, where she met Lama Chime Rinpoche. This encounter led her to take her novice nun vows in 1974 in London, a pivotal moment in her life, further solidified by her ordination by His Holiness the Sixteenth Karmapa. Her spiritual journey continued under the mentorship of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche from 1974 until his passing in 1987, deepening her Buddhist practice and understanding. In 1981, Pema was fully ordained in the Chinese lineage of Buddhism in Hong Kong, marking a significant milestone in her spiritual path.

Teaching and Legacy

Pema Chödrön's commitment to spreading Buddhist teachings led her to assume the role of director at Karma Dzong in Boulder, Colorado. In 1984, following Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche's vision, she moved to Cape Breton, Nova Scotia, to lead Gampo Abbey, a monastery for Western practitioners. Pema continues to focus on teaching in the US and Canada, interspersed with solitary retreats under the guidance of Venerable Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche. Her literary contributions, including "The Wisdom of No Escape", "Start Where You Are", and "Smile at Fear", reflect her profound insights and her commitment to establishing monastic traditions in the Western world.

Buddhism

Chödrön, Pema. The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fear and Its Transformation. Shambhala Publications, 2001. P. 50. "Compassion."

Pema Chödrön

Theme: Compassion

About Pema Chödrön’s Quote [Commentary]

The wisdom of Pema Chödrön’s teachings on compassion unearths a transformative truth: that compassion isn’t about occupying a moral high ground but about a deep dive into shared humanity. Too often, we approach compassion as if it’s a transaction, an act of giving from the abundant to the lacking. Yet, that sort of compassion is an ego-trap; it subtly reinforces a sense of separateness, of ‘us and them’. True compassion emerges from the humbling realization that we are all navigating the labyrinth of life, often not as masters but as seekers. In acknowledging that, we become more willing to touch the pain in others because we’ve felt it in ourselves.

Our yearning to alleviate others’ suffering often propels us to act. But it’s crucial to remember that action doesn’t mean fixing. Compassion is not a magical salve we apply to others’ wounds; it’s the warm, open presence that says, “I see you, I feel with you.” It’s in that presence that healing finds room to unfold. In practical terms, this means sometimes all we can offer is our heartfelt listening, our willingness to stand beside someone in their pain. This is not passivity; this is embodied love.

By understanding compassion through the lens of interconnectedness, we participate in a virtuous cycle. When we extend genuine compassion to one, it emanates outward, resonating with the shared human experience. To be compassionate is to be fully human—to err, to learn, and to continue loving. By forgoing the illusion of perfection, we come to see our flaws not as barriers to love but as the very soil from which a deeper love can grow. In the end, a compassionate world isn’t built by perfect beings but by real human beings who dare to love, openly and inclusively.

The Four Limitless Ones Chant

“May all sentient beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.
May they be free from suffering and the root of suffering.
May they not be separated from the great happiness devoid of suffering.
May they dwell in the great equanimity free from passion, aggression, and prejudice.”

Compassion Becomes Real

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