The Essence of True Friendship

Commentary From Maria Popova

Anam ċara and the Essence of True Friendship: Poet and Philosopher John O’Donohue on the Beautiful Ancient Celtic Notion of Soul-Friend. Aristotle laid out the philosophical foundation of friendship as the art of holding up a mirror to each other’s souls. Two millennia later, Emerson contemplated its two pillars of truth and tenderness. Another century later, C.S. Lewis wrote: “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

But nowhere do the beauty, mystery, and soul-sustenance of friendship come more vibrantly alive than in the 1997 masterwork Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom (public library) by the late, great Irish poet and philosopher John O’Donohue (January 1, 1956–January 4, 2008), titled after the Gaelic for “soul-friend”—a beautiful concept that elegantly encapsulates what Aristotle and Emerson and Lewis articulated in many more words…

O’Donohue writes:

“The heart learns a new art of feeling. Such friendship is neither cerebral nor abstract. In Celtic tradition, the anam ċara was not merely a metaphor or ideal. It was a soul-bond that existed as a recognized and admired social construct. It altered the meaning of identity and perception. When your affection is kindled, the world of your intellect takes on a new tenderness and compassion… You look and see and understand differently. Initially, this can be disruptive and awkward, but it gradually refines your sensibility and transforms your way of being in the world. Most fundamentalism, greed, violence, and oppression can be traced back to the separation of idea and affection.”

The anam ċara perspective is sublime because it permits us to enter this unity of ancient belonging…. O’Donohue borrows Aristotle’s notion of friendship and stretches it to a more expansive understanding:

“A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you. The one you love, your anam ċara, your soul friend, is the truest mirror to reflect your soul. The honesty and clarity of true friendship also brings out the real contour of your spirit.”

—John O’Donahue [Anam ċara: a Book of Celtic Wisdom]

Anam ċara is a soul-stretching read in its entirety, exploring such immutable human concerns as love, work, aging, and death through the timeless lens of ancient Celtic wisdom. Complement it with poet and philosopher David Whyte on the true meaning of friendship, love, and heartbreak, then treat yourself to O’Donohue’s magnificent On Being conversation with Krista Tippett—one of the last interviews he gave before his sudden and tragic death.

—Maria Popova [Anam Cara and the Essence of True Friendship: Poet and Philosopher John O’Donohue]. 

Additional John O’Donohue Quotes

“If you send out goodness from yourself, or if you share that which is happy or good within you, it will all come back to you multiplied ten thousand times. In the kingdom of love there is no competition; there is no possessiveness or control. The more love you give away, the more love you will have.”

—John O’Donohue [Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom].

“Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent. You are loath to let compromise or the threat of danger hold you back from striving toward the summit of fulfillment.”

—John O’Donohue [Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom].