• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer
Luminary Quotes

Luminary Quotes

  • Share
  • Subscribe
  • Topics
  • Themes
  • Favorite

Search Quotes >
Share this quote
Tweet
Share
Email
Tweet
Share
Email

Good friends aren’t afraid of your light. They never blow out your flame and you don’t blow out theirs…

Brené Brown

next
  • Share
  • Subscribe
  • Topics
  • Themes
  • Favorite

Search Quotes >

Good Friends

Topic: Family & Friendship

Good friends aren’t afraid of your light. They never blow out your flame and you don’t blow out theirs—even when it’s really bright and it makes you worry about your own flame. When something good happens to you, they celebrate your flame. When something good happens to them, you celebrate their flame. To illustrate, we’d have our kids hold their hands out, palms flat and open, and say, ‘If this is your flame and the wind picks up, good friends cup their hands around your flame to prevent it from going out. And you do the same for them.’

Brené Brown

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Additionally, she serves as a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. Brown's academic roles are extensions of her deeper mission to explore the themes of courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Her research is not just data and theories; it's an invitation to engage with the very elements that make us human.

Brown has spent two decades contributing to our understanding of emotional and social dynamics through her research and writing. She is the author of five books that have risen to the top of the New York Times bestseller list: "The Gifts of Imperfection," "Daring Greatly," "Rising Strong," "Braving the Wilderness," and "Dare to Lead." These works offer pragmatic insights into the nature of human connection. They encourage the reader to embrace their own vulnerabilities, pointing out that it's often in these spaces of uncertainty and risk that we discover our capacity for love and belonging.

Beyond the page, Brown expands her reach through various platforms. Her TED talk, "The Power of Vulnerability," has been viewed more than 50 million times worldwide. She also hosts two podcasts, "Unlocking Us" and "Dare to Lead," providing a space for ongoing discussions about the complexities of the human experience. In 2019, she broke new ground with her Netflix special, "The Call to Courage," becoming the first researcher to present a filmed lecture on the streaming service. Through all these avenues, Brown underscores the need for a heart-centered approach to life, one that makes room for both the challenges and the beauty of our shared human journey.

 

Science and Spirituality

Brown, Brené. Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience. Random House, 2021, p. 234.

Brené Brown


Theme: Friendship

About This Brené Brown Quotation [Commentary]

Brené Brown describes authentic friendship as a relationship where “good friends aren’t afraid of your light.” Rather than competing or comparing, they allow each other to shine fully. “They never blow out your flame and you don’t blow out theirs.” In this brief but vivid line, Brown names one of the central qualities of real friendship: the refusal to diminish each other’s strength or joy. Friendship, in this view, is not threatened by brightness—it welcomes it.

In the full passage, Brown expands on what it means to honor someone’s inner light, especially when it “makes you worry about your own flame.” True friends do not retreat in the face of another’s success. Instead, “when something good happens to you, they celebrate your flame. When something good happens to them, you celebrate their flame.” Brown also offers a physical illustration: she taught her children to hold out their hands and pretend to shield a friend’s flame when the wind picks up. In this image, friendship is not passive—it requires presence, protection, and care.

Brown’s reflection offers a direct alternative to the emotional habits that can erode connection: comparison, jealousy, and resentment. By celebrating each other’s light, even when it shines brightly, friends create a relationship rooted in mutual respect. “Good friends cup their hands around your flame… and you do the same for them.” In this shared act of care, friendship becomes a space where each person’s light is safe to grow.

Brené Brown on “Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close.” [Commentary]

Despite the mythology and what we see on our TVs, building meaningful, intimate, vulnerable friendships requires meaningful and hard work.

No one makes a stronger case for the payoff of this type of work than Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman*. On today’s episode of “Unlocking Us,” we dig into their book, “Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close.” It’s a masterclass on what it means to keep showing up—in both our Big Friendships and all the other kinds of relationships in our lives.

*See link to Podcast in Resources.

Resources

  • Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience Brené Brown
  • HBO Max: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience Brené Brown
  • October 6, 2021 Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman on Big Friendship

Related Quotes

  • The Glory of Friendship - Ralph Waldo Emerson,
  • The Value of Friendship - C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves
  • Friendship Is Pure Gift - David Steindl-Rast,
  • The Essence of True Friendship - John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
  • Behind All Friends - Paramahansa Yogananda, The Divine Romance
  • The Road of Life - Reuben Snake, Winnebago Wisdom Teaching
  • Good Friends - Brené Brown,

Copyright © 2017 – 2025 LuminaryQuotes.com About Us