Forgiveness is not a single action, but a process. We may need to forgive again and again even for one event.
Sharon Salzberg
Forgive Again and Again
Topic: Virtue, Morality, & Ethics
Forgiveness is not a single action, but a process. We may need to forgive again and again even for one event.
Sharon Salzberg, born on August 5, 1952 in New York City, is one of the world's renowned meditation teachers and authors. Her early life was marked by loss and turmoil, with her parents' divorce and the death of her father. Her mother's subsequent mental health issues forced Sharon into a series of foster homes and schools. This period of difficulty and displacement sparked her interest in the workings of the mind and the possibility of finding inner peace amidst chaos.
In 1969, Sharon attended a lecture on Buddhism at the State University New York, Buffalo, which ignited her passion for understanding and exploring human consciousness. A year later, she left for India as part of an independent study program, searching for a more comprehensive approach to alleviate human suffering. This journey led her to meet various spiritual teachers, most notably S. N. Goenka, under whose guidance she began to practice Vipassana or Insight Meditation. This would prove to be a turning point not only in her personal life but also in her impact on Western spirituality.
Following her profound experiences in India, Salzberg returned to America in 1974 and co-founded the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts, with Jack Kornfield and Joseph Goldstein. She has since authored several influential books, including "Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness" and "Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation," teaching people how to cultivate mindfulness, compassion, and, most importantly, how to integrate these practices into everyday life. Despite her massive influence, Salzberg maintains a humble approach to her work, underscoring that it's not about achievement but being able to touch one's own heart and, subsequently, the hearts of others.
Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection
Salzberg, Sharon. "Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection." Flatiron Books, 2017
Sharon Salzberg
Theme: Forgiving
About This Sharon Salzberg Quotation [Commentary]
Sharon Salzberg describes forgiveness as “not a single action, but a process.” This reframing moves forgiveness out of the realm of a fixed decision and into a space of ongoing engagement. It challenges the assumption that forgiveness should happen all at once or that its completion signals the end of pain. Salzberg’s words acknowledge the layered nature of healing and the patience it requires. By using the word “process,” she gives language to the slow unfolding of emotional release, where each return to forgiveness is part of a larger effort to ease suffering.
Her recognition that “we may need to forgive again and again even for one event” reflects the emotional persistence of hurt. Salzberg neither dismisses this reality nor regards it as a failure. Instead, she points to the human tendency to revisit pain, offering a response marked by awareness rather than avoidance. This repeated act of forgiving is not a sign of weakness or indecision—it is part of the process itself. Each time we return to it, we create another opportunity to loosen the grip of anger or bitterness that may linger.
Salzberg does not conflate forgiveness with forgetting or excusing harm. Her emphasis remains on the internal experience: a deliberate release, revisited as often as needed. In this way, “forgiving again and again” becomes an active expression of self-compassion and clarity. Rather than forcing resolution, Salzberg offers a way to remain present with our responses while choosing not to be ruled by them. It is through this ongoing practice that healing becomes possible, without denying the complexity of what has been endured.
Sharon Salzberg’s views about Forgiveness
Sharon Salzberg views forgiveness as a complex and ongoing process rather than a singular action. She emphasizes that forgiveness is not synonymous with forgetting or negating past hurts but involves a deeper understanding and releasing of the emotional grip these events have on us. Sharon sees forgiveness as an opportunity for growth and clarity, encouraging a compassionate relationship with oneself and others. By practicing forgiveness, we unlock a profound openness of heart, allowing us to acknowledge both the positive and negative aspects of our experiences without being imprisoned by them. This reflects her broader teaching on the importance of compassion and mindfulness, underscoring that forgiveness also includes seeing one’s own mistakes with clarity and tenderness, which can often be the most challenging yet transformative part of the practice.
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