Forgiveness cannot be a disengaged, pastel emotion… It must be able to face the dark side of the human condition.
Kent Nerburn
The Hard Road of Forgiveness
Topic: Virtue, Morality, & Ethics
Forgiveness cannot be a disengaged, pastel emotion. It is demanded in the bloodiest of human circumstances, and it must stand against the strongest winds of human rage and hate. To be a real virtue, engaged with the world around us, it must be muscular, alive, and able to withstand the outrages and inequities of inhuman and inhumane acts. It must be able to face the dark side of the human condition.
How we shape such forgiveness is one of the most crucial questions in our lives. And, it is not easy. Sometimes we get so frustrated that we don’t think we can take it any more.
But we can and we must; it is our human responsibility. Even though we know that forgiveness, misused, or misunderstood, can become a tacit partner in the wrongs around us, we also know that, properly applied, it is the glue that holds the human family together. It is the way to bridge the loneliness that too often surrounds us. We must find a way to build that bridge, even if our hands are clumsy and the materials at our command are flawed.
Kent Nerburn, born on October 5, 1946, in Minneapolis, Minnesota, has lived a life deeply rooted in service and understanding. His early experiences with his father, a Red Cross worker, exposed him to human vulnerability and resilience, shaping his commitment to aiding others. Nerburn's academic journey led him to a Ph.D. in Religious Studies and Art from the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley, after studying at the University of Minnesota and Stanford University. His artistic venture, influenced by renowned European sculptors, transitioned into a focused effort in writing and educating, particularly after his meaningful time on the Red Lake Ojibwe reservation.
Nerburn has authored and edited significant works on Native American spirituality, including "To Walk the Red Road" and "The Soul of An Indian." His books bridge cultural narratives, highlighting the essential wisdom of indigenous traditions. Transitioning from sculpture to writing, he aims to educate and connect people through the power of narrative, offering insights into American spirituality and the enduring legacy of native cultures.
Now living near Portland, Oregon, with his wife, Louise Mengelkoch, a former professor at Bemidji State University, Nerburn reflects on his evolving role as an elder in today's society. His life's work, a continuous exploration of spirituality and humanity, seeks to mentor the next generation, urging a respectful and integrated approach to life's vast mysteries. Through his writings and teachings, Nerburn champions a conscientious journey towards understanding and respect for all life's interconnected paths.
Calm Surrender
Nerburn, Kent. Calm Surrender: Walking the Hard Road of Forgiveness. New World Library, 2000.
Kent Nerburn
Theme: Forgiving
About This Kent Nerburn Quotation [Commentary]
Kent Nerburn writes that “forgiveness cannot be a disengaged, pastel emotion.” It must be “muscular, alive,” and able to stand “against the strongest winds of human rage and hate.” He places forgiveness in the most difficult human moments—“the bloodiest of human circumstances”—where pain and injustice are real. In this light, forgiveness is not a retreat from suffering but a capacity to face “the dark side of the human condition” with strength and clarity. It is not a passive release but an active engagement with harm and its consequences.
He acknowledges that shaping such forgiveness is “one of the most crucial questions in our lives.” It is not simple. At times, the frustration may feel overwhelming, as if “we don’t think we can take it any more.” Still, he insists, “we can and we must.” Forgiveness, when “misused, or misunderstood,” risks becoming a silent partner in wrongdoing. But properly applied, it becomes a way to resist inhumanity without replicating its harm. Nerburn’s language emphasizes the tension between these two realities, and the responsibility to hold that tension without giving in to despair or indifference.
Forgiveness, then, is not only a personal act but a shared human responsibility. Nerburn calls it “the glue that holds the human family together.” It is a practice that builds connection where isolation might take root. Even when our resources feel inadequate—“even if our hands are clumsy and the materials at our command are flawed”—we are called to build. In this way, forgiveness becomes a path not only through pain, but toward the possibility of renewed relationship and a deeper sense of human belonging.
Kent Nerburn, The Dilemma That Faces Us All, Awakin.org [Passage]
This is the dilemma that faces us all when we decide to walk the difficult path of forgiveness. Are we complicit in wrongdoing if we do not challenge those who wrong us? Or are we contributing to the darkness in the world if we get caught up in the web of heartlessness and cruelty that gave birth to the injustice?
I don’t know. And yet I must know. Somehow, I, you, each of us, must find a way to respond to the cruelty and injustice in the world in a way that doesn’t empower those who harm others. At the same time, we must avoid becoming ensnared by their anger and heartlessness.
One of the great human wagers is whether we best achieve this by shining a light of pure absolution into the darkness, trusting that the light will draw others toward it, or whether we stand against the darkness with equal force, and then try to flood the world with light once the darkness is held at bay.
In either case, though, one thing is certain: Forgiveness cannot be a disengaged, pastel emotion. It is demanded in the bloodiest of human circumstances, and it must stand against the strongest winds of human rage and hate. To be a real virtue, engaged with the world around us, it must be muscular, alive, and able to withstand the outrages and inequities of inhuman and inhumane acts. It must be able to face the dark side of the human condition.
How we shape such forgiveness is one of the most crucial questions in our lives. And, it is not easy. Sometimes we get so frustrated that we don’t think we can take it any more.
But we can and we must; it is our human responsibility. Even though we know that forgiveness, misused, or misunderstood, can become a tacit partner in the wrongs around us, we also know that, properly applied, it is the glue that holds the human family together. It is the way to bridge the loneliness that too often surrounds us. We must find a way to build that bridge, even if our hands are clumsy and the materials at our command are flawed.
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