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With a deeper understanding of reality, you can go beyond appearances and relate to the world in a much more appropriate, effective, and realistic manner.

The Dalai Lama

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A Deeper Understanding

Topic: Wisdom & Understanding

With a deeper understanding of reality,” the Dalai Lama has explained, “you can go beyond appearances and relate to the world in a much more appropriate, effective, and realistic manner.

The Dalai Lama

Tenzin Gyatso, born on July 6, 1935, is known globally as the 14th Dalai Lama, the spiritual and former political leader of the Tibetan people. Born as Lhamo Thondup in a farming family in Taktser, Amdo, Tibet, he was recognized as the reincarnation of the 13th Dalai Lama, Thubten Gyatso, when he was just two years old. As the Dalai Lama, he holds the highest spiritual position within Tibetan Buddhism and is seen as a figure of great moral authority and influence. Following China's invasion of Tibet in 1950, he assumed full political power in 1950 but was forced into exile in India in 1959 after the failed Tibetan uprising against Chinese rule.

The Dalai Lama is renowned for his messages of peace, non-violence, inter-religious understanding, and compassion. He has authored numerous books and has lectured worldwide, becoming one of the most influential figures in the world of spirituality and philosophy. In recognition of his work for peace and non-violence, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989. Furthermore, his advocacy for the cultural and religious rights of the Tibetan people and his efforts to find a peaceful solution to the situation in Tibet through dialogue and understanding, rather than violence, have made him an internationally respected leader. Despite the political controversies and challenges, he remains committed to promoting human values and harmony among the world's religious traditions.

Buddhism
The Book of Joy

The Dalai Lama, and Desmond Tutu. The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World. Edited by Douglas Carlton Abrams, Viking, 2016, pp. 223-228.

The Dalai Lama


Theme: Wisdom

About the Dalai Lama’s Quote [Commentary]

The teachings from the Dalai Lama in ‘The Book of Joy’ underscore acceptance as a powerful tool. This kind of acceptance is not about admitting defeat but about understanding life as it unfolds. By gaining a deeper understanding of reality, we are able to look beyond surface level appearances. This approach allows us to interact with the world in a way that is more grounded, realistic, and effective, and it helps us free ourselves from the confines of our own expectations, paving the way for more happiness in life.

In their conversation, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu suggest that acceptance can help us manage life’s challenges. Rather than reacting strongly with judgment, anxiety, or despair, we can learn to see our circumstances without excessive emotional turbulence. This state of acceptance promotes a sense of calm and understanding, enabling us to handle situations with kindness and compassion. This practice helps cultivate peace of mind and joy, regardless of what is happening externally.

This active form of acceptance is a powerful tool for personal growth. It involves facing problems head-on, attempting to change what is within our control, and accepting what is not. It’s a practice that transforms our perspective, showing us that our mind plays a pivotal role in shaping our world. By changing our viewpoint, we can alter our experiences, making life more peaceful and joyful. Thus, seeing the world from different angles can reduce our worries and open up space for more joy in our lives.

Commentary by Douglas Carlton Abrams—The Dalai Lama’s Deeper Understanding

When we had visited the Tibetan Children’s Village in January, we noticed a wall displaying a quote that the Dalai Lama referenced in the dialogues. It was a translation of Shantideva’s famous questions that His Holiness had mentioned, only in a slightly different translation: “Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy if it cannot be remedied?” In this short teaching is the profound essence of the Dalai Lama’s approach to life…

Much of traditional Buddhist practice is directed toward the ability to see life accurately, beyond all the expectations, projections, and distortions that we typically bring to it. Meditative practice allows us to quiet the distracting thoughts and feelings so that we can perceive reality, and respond to it more skillfully. The ability to be present in each moment is nothing more and nothing less than the ability to accept the vulnerability, discomfort, and anxiety of everyday life.

With a deeper understanding of reality,” the Dalai Lama has explained, “you can go beyond appearances and relate to the world in a much more appropriate, effective, and realistic manner. I often give the example of how we should relate to our neighbors. Imagine that you are living next to a difficult neighbor. You can judge and criticize them. You can live in anxiety and despair that you will never have a good relationship with them. You can deny the problem or pretend that you do not have a difficult relationship with your neighbor. None of these is very helpful.

Instead, you can accept that your relationship with your neighbor is difficult and that you would like to improve it. You may or may not succeed, but all you can do is try. You cannot control your neighbor, but you do have some control over your thoughts and feelings. Instead of anger, instead of hatred, instead of fear, you can cultivate compassion for them, you can cultivate kindness toward them, you can cultivate warmheartedness toward them. This is the only chance to improve the relationship. In time, maybe they will become less difficult. Maybe not. This you cannot control, but you will have your peace of mind. You will be able to be joyful and happy whether your neighbor becomes less difficult or not.”

We come back to the beginning of our discussion and Shantideva’s questions. The kind of acceptance that the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop were advocating is not passive. It is powerful. It does not deny the importance of taking life seriously and working hard to change what needs changing, to redeem what needs redemption. “You must not hate those who do harmful things,” the Dalai Lama has explained. “The compassionate thing is to do what you can to stop them for they are harming themselves as well as those who suffer from their actions.”

—The Dalai Lama, and Desmond Tutu. The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World. Edited by Douglas Carlton Abrams, Viking, 2016, pp. 223, 226-227.