True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.
Brené Brown
True Belonging
Topic: Courage, Integrity, & Purpose
True belonging is a spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.
Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Additionally, she serves as a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. Brown's academic roles are extensions of her deeper mission to explore the themes of courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Her research is not just data and theories; it's an invitation to engage with the very elements that make us human.
Brown has spent two decades contributing to our understanding of emotional and social dynamics through her research and writing. She is the author of five books that have risen to the top of the New York Times bestseller list: "The Gifts of Imperfection," "Daring Greatly," "Rising Strong," "Braving the Wilderness," and "Dare to Lead." These works offer pragmatic insights into the nature of human connection. They encourage the reader to embrace their own vulnerabilities, pointing out that it's often in these spaces of uncertainty and risk that we discover our capacity for love and belonging.
Beyond the page, Brown expands her reach through various platforms. Her TED talk, "The Power of Vulnerability," has been viewed more than 50 million times worldwide. She also hosts two podcasts, "Unlocking Us" and "Dare to Lead," providing a space for ongoing discussions about the complexities of the human experience. In 2019, she broke new ground with her Netflix special, "The Call to Courage," becoming the first researcher to present a filmed lecture on the streaming service. Through all these avenues, Brown underscores the need for a heart-centered approach to life, one that makes room for both the challenges and the beauty of our shared human journey.
Braving the Wilderness
Brown, Brené. Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Random House, 2017. P. 157.
Brené Brown
Theme: Moral Courage
About Brené Brown’s Quotation [Commentary]
Brené Brown defines true belonging as “a spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness.” This definition highlights the importance of courage in finding true belonging. It is courageous to be our authentic selves, especially when we feel different or misunderstood. It takes tremendous courage to stand alone for our beliefs and values.
Brown writes that true belonging does not require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are. It is about aknowledging that we need community where we can be our authentic selves and feel loved and accepted. But this does not mean that we will always fit in or feel comfortable. There will be times when we must take a stand for what we believe in, even if it means standing alone. This is where courage comes in. When we are courageous, we are willing to be vulnerable and to speak our truth, even when we are afraid. We are willing to take risks and to stand up for what we believe in, even if it means being unpopular or misunderstood.
True belonging is a journey, not a destination. It takes courage to be our authentic selves and to stand alone for our beliefs and values. But it is a journey that is well worth taking. When we belong truly, we are more likely to live happy and fulfilling lives. Brown writes that true belonging is about finding “sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness.” This means that true belonging is not just about fitting in and feeling good. It is also about being courageous and standing up for what we believe in, even when it is difficult.
Excerpt from the On Being with Krista Tippett Conversation
MS. TIPPETT: So you use this language of “true belonging.” So talk about what are the qualities of true belonging, as opposed to those many things we do that feel like belonging but, as you say, are a hollow substitute for true belonging. What is that?
MS. BROWN: Well, when I started looking into belonging, and I started really wanting to understand the bones of belonging—what does it mean? How do we, from a researcher’s perspective—and probably my own personal armor, really—is: What are the data here? What exactly is happening here? And I think the first thing that was surprising to me is that at the very heart of belonging is spirituality—not religion, not dogma, but spirituality, and a very important, specific tenet of spirituality, which I believe cuts across faith and denomination and belief system. And by “spirituality” I mean the deeply held belief that we’re inextricably connected to each other by something greater than us. And that thing that is greater than us is rooted in love and compassion—that there’s something bigger than us and that we are connected to each other in a way that cannot be severed.
And so when I started to look at belonging, what I realized is that it is a spiritual practice, and it’s the spiritual practice of believing in ourselves and belonging to ourselves so fully that we find what’s sacred in not only being a part of something, like our DNA calls us to be, but also, we find sacred the need, on occasion, to stand alone in our values, in our beliefs, when we’re called to do that, as well. And so, to me, this idea of true belonging is a type of belonging that never requires us to be inauthentic or change who we are, but a type of belonging that demands who we are—that we be who we are—even when we jeopardize connection with other people, even when we have to say, “I disagree. That’s not funny. I’m not on board.”
MS. TIPPETT: Right. So I think—all the way through this thinking and writing you do, and especially as it continues to develop—you use the word “paradox” a lot. I also overuse the word “paradox.” But the thing is, that sounds like a—can sound like an academic word, but in fact, it is just a description of the way life works and the fact that we are not a combination of either/ors. We are just this multitude of both/ands, at any given moment. So this thing, the spiritual practice of belonging, is also being able to stand alone when called to do so. And then, also, the contrast of that with loneliness, which is this crisis—but that somehow, also, to combat this crisis of loneliness, we have to learn the spiritual practice of being able to stand alone when we’re called to do that, as part of the practice of belonging.
MS. BROWN: Yeah, it sounds so—I always think about the Latin “paradoxum.” The source of the word means “seemingly absurd, but really true.” What we’re both saying sounds crazy. But I think our need to push away the word “paradox,” and the need to—our need for either/or, not “and,” is driven by our lack of capacity for vulnerability. It’s really hard to straddle the tension of yes/and. It’s really hard to straddle that, “Yes, I want to belong, I want to be a part of something bigger than me”—and, “I’m willing to stand alone when I need to.”
—Brown, Brené. “Dr. Brené Brown—Strong Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart.” Edited by Krista Tippett, On Being with Krista Tippett, The On Being Project, On Being Studios, onbeing.org/programs/brene-brown-strong-back-soft-front-wild-heart-feb2018/.
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